Oats N Boats ~ Smile & Glow

My animals are great at teaching me important lessons. Today’s lesson is to just curl up on a cozy couch and watch the wonderful world outside your window.

The smurf highly recommends this method of R&R.

The Holidays…

If you talk to your coworkers and friends, watch commercials, see the ads all around us… you of course know that the holidays are a time for joy, happiness, family, and festivities. If it wasn’t like that for you this year, you’re not alone, and you’re not abnormal for struggling to find the festive attitude. There are so many reasons why you can find the holidays tough – the crowds, the people, remembrances, complicated plans, etc. But it’s hard to know that it’s okay to have a tough time, when all around us we’re being told “HAPPY, YAY, JOY, WHEE” = Normal.

I will admit, most years I’m a holiday happy happy joy joy person – I love the holiday spirit and the festive air. The crowds and family gatherings have always taken a slight toll on me just due to the stress of having to interact and be ON constantly (I’m a person who craves down time and doesn’t do well in large gatherings), but overall, I still have always really enjoyed the holidays. This year was harder than others for a number of reasons – and some of those reasons meant I just didn’t feel like celebrating. Unfortunately, despite not feeling celebratory and craving solitude, this year was also a year when family and friends were scheduled in such a way that there would always be people around for almost two solid weeks. It was a balancing act – trying to appreciate being able to spend time with family while still seeking the solitude necessary for mental health and recovery. I was very nervous about this, but also tried to realize that worrying really wouldn’t change anything for the better. I decided to try to do my best each day to take care of myself.

As we enter the last half week stretch, I have to say that I survived and even had some fun. In order to get there, I had to override my overwhelming need to do what I felt others expected of me, to always be out socializing with guests, organizing food, and helping out where needed. Instead, I spent time tucked away in my bedroom, allowing myself to feel whatever I was feeling, and get some mental fresh air. I really tried to focus on the now and not stress out about plans changing, or not being perfectly on time. I had some wonderful times this holiday season, but I want to acknowledge that it was hard for me – and I know that it’s hard for others out there too.

I hope you all had the strength to take care of yourself during this holiday season and had some time to refresh your spirit.

So during my nice break from my computer I got to do a lot of things such as spending more quality time with people, playing games, running around with the dogs when it’s not too warm out, and oh yes, reading books. Books, those things with words written on paper that just capture your interest until you finish. It also helped me realize that books can get me into trouble.

I love to read. I love to read so much that as a child our family had a rule – no books at the dinner table as my brother was also an avid reader (which was the name of our local bookstore).

Well now it seems like I need to make a new rule – no reading past 10pm. I love to read so much that frequently if I read a book before bed and I’m too close to the end, I’ll just keep reading until I finish. This trait has kept me up hours past my bedtime – particularly the last few weeks.

My brother and I have always gotten along very well but we are 6 years apart and because of this aren’t as close in the same way that other siblings are.  We have a great deal of respect for one another and enjoy each others company, but have never really been the sort that share secrets or call each other every day or anything along those lines.  We’re each our own person and while we may look insanely alike, are certainly different in a number of respects. One such way we differ is our ease in talking to people in social situations. My brother is very comfortable and at ease at leading conversations, asking questions, being outgoing and having discussions with people he’s never met before. I on the other hand typically shy away from conversations with people I don’t know (in real life that is), never know how to start conversations, don’t know what questions to ask to continue them, and always second guess that people have any interest in what I’m saying (we can sum that up into one word – I’m insecure). I usually don’t say much in social gatherings – I do okay one-on-one, but in a larger group I clam up.

It’s because of all these things, that my experience a while back surprised me so much. I spent the evening with my brother and SIL’s friends and had a phenomenal time. Now, I could’ve had a great time not talking (I do love observing people), but what I found odd was realizing how much I was talking, without carefully considering every word that came out of my mouth. How easy it was for me to have conversations with these people. How much I had in common with my brother’s friends.  We talked about food, about cookbooks, about other books, about kids, about games. I talked with a number of different people and had things to share in a conversation, had questions to ask, and was just at ease. I guess what really surprised me in addition to the ease, was the fact that these were my brother’s friends and I had so much in common with them – so many things to talk about. We grew up in the same household but I would certainly argue that our areas of interest are for the most part very different. I guess I always thought that although we had similar mannerisms, we didn’t overlap much at all in academic interests or personal interests.

I’m really hoping that I get to hang out with these people again the next time I visit (which I hope will be in the winter since I’m a crazy Californian who thinks it would be cool to visit when there’s snow on the ground).

*Important detail: I’m shy, I’m quiet, I don’t typically talk much around strangers, or even really among people I know if I don’t think I have anything interesting to say/contribute. It might be considered a bit ironic that I blog, but what can I say – there’s safety in typing.

What’s your relationship with your siblings? Do you spend lots of time together? Do you have similar interests or are you drastically different?